Be Utterly Amazed.

This past month has been a whirlwind. I knew my focus had to be on building my ministry team and raising all of my funding, but I was also trying to balance other responsibilities and spend time with my parents and extended family while home in Wisconsin. I'll be honest-- I was stressed for a good part of the month. In the moment, I always know logically that stress isn't going to do any good, but it's hard to shake the feelings and emotions that go along with it. Inevitably though, I look back and see that God had everything in control the whole time and my "stress"(a.k.a. attempt to control the situation) was energy lost...

On June 14^th, I wrote in my journal that I was at 16% of my support goal and had no idea how I could possibly be at 100% by August 1^st. I then scribbled down a verse I read that day, Habakkuk 1:5—“Look at the nations and watch—and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told.” By July 1st I was at 50% of my goal. Truthfully, I was brought to my knees in awe of how God brought that all together but even then I had no idea how I could reach 100%. I had made arrangements to be in Pittsburgh to move the first 2 weeks of July and though I tried to set up appointments and get contacts, only one appointment worked out. I return home to Wisconsin in the middle of July and raising support consumed every one of my thoughts. I knew there was no way for it finish except for God bringing it together, but I was still trying to work out the details for Him. Did you read that closely? I was trying to work out the details for Him. Well, had I realized that in the moment, maybe I would have let go and acknowledged the ridiculousness of it. But I thought if I couldn't see how the plans would unfold, then meeting my goal wasn't going to happen. Well, I owe God all the glory for being able to say that I am at 100% today and can honestly say I never predicted the way it would end. I also understand that verse I scribbled down in June so much more now. I wrote it down thinking I love that God can do something that surprises us and is beyond our imagination but I never thought of that verse applying to me. When I finished building my ministry team, I looked back through my journal and I was floored to see I had written this down. How did I miss God speaking to me in this verse? He didn't tell me to work and solve the mystery of how He was going to bring in 100% of my finances. He told me to look, watch, and be amazed. All very hands-off commands. Then God even politely told me I was never going to figure it out. So why did I spend so much time and energy trying to tell a story the Creator hadn't finished writing for me yet? Who knows. This seems to be a lesson I've learned over and over again from all different angles. I hope and pray that one day I'll really be able to just "watch—and be utterly amazed."

So, I am officially hired and while I thought this past month was crazy, August is going to be even more full of adventures. This weekend I will be traveling to Minnesota for one cousin's wedding, then going to training in Pennsylvania all of next week, before coming back home to be the maid of honor for my other cousin's wedding. She'll get married on a saturday and then it's off to Pittsburgh to begin work that Monday, August 15th. Yikes! Well, I'm looking forward to all of the things God has planned this week, month, year, etc. and I now truly know I will never be able to tell the story for it till God writes it.